Is Your Marriage A Priority?
Published: June 10, 2008
Is your family out of order? Does your spouse come first, or do your kids take the number one spot? Do you even know which should be the top priority in your family? We're here to tell you - whether your family is traditional or blended, your marriage has to take priority over your kids.
We know that's not an easy sell for most people. But you have to realize that children need to know that their parents love not only them, but each other. Their sense of security grows as they see parents loving each other. To put your marriage on hold for 18 years - or even 1 year - while you raise children is not only detrimental to your marriage, it is devastating to your children.
When the parental team breaks down, children become the biggest losers. They lose their family, which is where they build their sense of security. When children don't feel secure, their whole world seems to unravel. No amount of baseball, dance, piano lessons, or toys can make up for that kind of loss.
Research shows that marriage takes a hit when you have kids. According to an analysis of 90 studies involving 31,000 married people, the drop in marital satisfaction after the first baby's birth is a staggering 42% larger among the current generation of parents than their predecessors.
Satisfaction dips even lower - though only slightly - with each successive child. Studies also suggest that one-third to one-half of new-parent couples experience as much marital distress as couples already in therapy for marital difficulties.
So if you can't seem to prioritize your marriage or spend money on dates for yourselves...do it for your kids! And if you're not sure how to start, we're going to coach you with practical ways to be couple-focused rather than child-focused!
Expectations today are high on parents. It's not enough to raise a nice kid; she's got to be ahead of the developmental curve and involved in arts and athletic activities, too. Moms exhaust themselves trying to keep up with the kids and dads feel the pressure to be more involved in their kids' lives.
Well-meaning couples think, "After the kids are gone, we'll get to be a couple again." But by the time the kids are off to college, so much distance has crept in that couples hardly know each other...and divorce becomes more and more appealing.
Recent research has shown that when the family unit falls apart, so do the kids. Children from broken homes have a higher rate of academic problems, promiscuity, teen pregnancy, alcohol and drug abuse, emotional and behavior problems, violence, suicide, and poverty as an adult. If you are thinking that you are doing the best for your child when you put your spouse on the back burner and your kids as number one, you are sorely mistaken.
The best way to protect your children from these things is to keep your marriage together. If you want to be the best parents you can be work to become the best couple you can be.
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Is Your Marriage A Priority?
Published: June 10, 2008
America's Family Coaches, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg share tips on how married couples can keep their relationship healthy
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